Are We Settling? Or Are We Just Smart?

“Settling means letting all the pieces of your dreams float onto the surface so you can look at them, like glitter in a jar. So you can see what you have and let your ideas settle and rest.”

Sarah Greek, playwright

Have you noticed that not everything you dream comes to fruition—especially in writing? As much as our creativity might thrive if we had an entire penthouse to write in—as cool as it would be to, through our written work, convince every young woman on the planet that she is innately beautiful—as amazing as we would be if before we went to the page or keyboard we could escape to the redwood forest to dream or the Aryan Islands to edit or a chalet in the Alps to write our first draft—as wonderful as that would be, there is a distinct possibility that it won’t happen quite that way.

Heck, even if we just dream of being picked up by a traditional house or being signed on by an agent who will guide us through the frightening maze that is publishing right now… those dreams used to be quite realistic, but we look around us in dismay and wonder, “Who is that happening to?”

So why bother to dream at all?

Because dreaming shows us the essence of what we long for. It tells us where to focus, where to put our energy, what to believe in. It assures us that even if we write only for ourselves, to express what’s in there, we are still writers, and our work is worth doing.

But here’s the question we eventually ask ourselves: Is that settling? Is that just being okay with less than what our whole being desires as writers?

Let’s figure that out.

What is “settling”?

It’s different for everyone. 

• For some, self-publishing would feel like “settling” when traditional publishing didn’t work out. For others, that’s just a smart choice.
• For some, being able to publish middle grade books when we long to write literary fiction for adults would be “settling”.  For others, writing for tweens is their sweet spot. Or they just want to get their work out there, no matter the form. 
• For some, writing flash fiction online would be the epitome of “settling” because they don’t have time to write a whole novel. For others, flash fiction is so much fun they can’t imagine being tied to an epic they might never finish.

Yeah, usually we think of “settling” as resigning ourselves to something we view as “less than” when what we really want seems just too far out of reach.  It’s not a positive term for sure.

It definitely isn’t when a bright, gifted woman “settles” for an unsatisfying life of doing all the things for everybody else and never pursues her own creative dreams in any way. That’s not just settling. That’s a tragedy.

When it isn’t “settling”

Okay, so we have a scribbling woman who writes middle grade novels, has in fact completed three that are pretty darn good, but she hasn’t been able to stir up any interest with agents and publishers. 

Ah, but she’s had a nudge from the editor of a kids’ magazine to write some short stories. She now has a choice:

One, she can say no because that isn’t ultimately where she wants her writing career to go.

Or, two, she can go for it because this opportunity is what’s possible right now.

If she goes with choice two, is she settling for less than what she dreams of? Or is she being smart enough to walk through the door that’s open, because it might be a step toward that faraway goal?

Of course, if our middle grade author were offered a scholarship to pharmacy school so she could eventually make big bucks (and never have time to write again), that qualifies as walking through an open door. It’s just a door that might slam shut behind her. 

How do we know, then?

The only way we can truly determine what’s settling for half a dream and what’s a smart baby step toward the whole one is to go deep enough to see what our Big Longing is. 

If the Big Longing is to make enough money to buy a McMansion and take vacations to the Virgin Islands, then, yes, writing flash fiction and short stories when that scholarship is on offer would be settling. 

However, if the Big Longing is to reach as many kids as possible to show them they are innately awesome, pharmacy school won’t take us there, but those short pieces in that kids’ magazine will. 

The Big Longing becomes the frame of reference. If the option before us aligns with that, we aren’t settling for “less than.” We’re shooting for more than we might be able to dream of. If it doesn’t, saying no is a lot easier. 

In a nutshell…

The point, I think, is that we have to be careful not to disappoint ourselves—and God—by completely giving up on fulfilling the Big Longing. 

The place to start, then, is to discover what that is. What burns in us? What makes our chests ache with yearning? Or even, what whispers and niggles and nags until we have to pay attention to it, just to keep our sanity?

If we find that, we never settle. 

For more…

This week’s episode of The Scribbling Woman podcast, “Settling or Smart” features author and script writer Abigail Schrieffels in a discussion about wisely hanging onto at least a piece of the dream. Just go to the Podcast page here and click on one of the links. We’d love to have you in the conversation!